Operation Relocation - part 1

I hate moving...more than anything else in life (except for maybe the child support system, being cut off in Houston traffic, cantaloupe, paying back student loans and my period).
To me, there is nothing that says "You are a hopelessly sentimental pack-rat and should have gone to the military where, at least, you would have become better organized" than having to pack up all your crap and take it to another place where 40% will remained boxed and untouched while the remaining 60% multiplies exponentially.

I believe the rate of increase is (6x) * 4 per year...where x = 1 lb of crap. Square this number for each of the following variables that apply:

• You have a child under 10
• You have an indoor pet (cat or dog)
• You live within 5 miles of Wal-mart or Target
• Your mother gives you stuff
• You have a live-in "significant other" or an adult roommate (restrictions do apply)
  

If none of these apply to you, consider yourself lucky (or lonely....maybe you should get a cat).

Anyway, I have amassed an entire house full of stuff. Most of it should have been thrown away years ago. Why haven't I?
Because the stuff hides!
Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
You buy it (or your child makes it), bring it home and it slips behind something or under something where you never see it again. Sometimes it remains in plain view, but gradually learns to "cloak" itself...until you start THINKING about packing.
That's when it all reappears...like sick, twisted magic.

Speaking of sick, I made the mistake of going from room-to-room to "make a packing plan". Big mistake. With each room, my heart sank a little more, blood pressure went up, and, though I can't be sure, I may have lost a few hours of life expectancy.

But the packing still has to be done. Moving day quickly approacheth. The only way to get started is to just start... or take a nap.
After my nap, I started folding boxes, throwing stuff away and packing.
Two feverish hours later, I looked up to find that, although I had packed 3 boxes and 4 bags of trash, the house looked 10 times worse.
At this rate, I should be all packed by....(*takes out scientific calculator*) February 3, 2010.
I have exactly 1 week.
D*mn.
Better get back to it.
Stay tuned.


*volunteers (or diversions) welcome