Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The day the dam broke

For a number of reasons, the last few months have been quite difficult financially. So far, I've been able to put on a brave face to the world...juggling bills and paychecks...eliminating luxuries like pedicures and hair appointments. But today, the levees broke.
A quick check of the bank account before making my pre-Thanksgiving visit to Kroger brought me to tears. The money I thought was there...was not. Two unexpected debits from my account had sent things spiraling.

Before I could stop it, several months of pent up emotions crashed through my carefully constructed walls. I was crying. Choking, sniffing, wailing tears. The more I tried to stop, the harder I cried.
Even now, my soul feels so heavy. Weary.
I'm not just another struggling single mom. I refuse to be that. Why does it seem that the cosmos is so set against me?
Finally, the sobs have subsided. I am spent. But there is no time for self-pity.
I've already broken out the calculator, made a few phone calls, transferred funds.
Leila will still get her glasses today.
I will still bring a dish to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.
I will smile.
I'll keep right on living.

1 comment:

Leigh Anne Rayburn said...

Oh, Faith. I understand this a lot. I'm so grateful for your blog (even though I've been slacking on my blog stops) because I get to see a more real version of you through it. I hope you're still breathing, metaphorically speaking. Sending love.